The three doomed zodiac signs destined to die alone

Well this puts the horror in horoscope.

In the lauded, drippin with daddy issues play, “Hamlet,” Taurus and suspected charlatan William Shakespeare espoused, “Thou know’st ’tis common; all that lives must die, Passing through nature to eternity.”

You said it there, Bill.

As the bard notes, from nature to eternity is a journey and shedding the mortal coil is always a solo act, unless of course, you strike blood gold and are lucky enough to be made into a vampire #goals.

With that fanged and notable exception, we are born to die and folks, you heard it here, we all die alone.

Yet, a spin through the zodiac wheel reveals three signs more inclined to live alone and depart the world without company than others.

Whether solitary by choice, character failure or merit of being the last of the living, read on to learn more about the signs destined to die alone.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

More health conssious/paranoid than other signs, Virgos tend to outlive their loved ones due to their strict adherence to weird diets, sauna stints, bouts of calisthenics and the consumption of black market supplements. There’s a bit of the old self-defeat beating in the low cholesterol heart of Virgo, a steady belief that that they are destined to be alone and misunderstood forever, and as any two bit healer will tell you, what we believe is what we become. Represented in the major arcana of the tarot by the Hermit card, Virgos require solitude and time outdoors in order to develop their skillset, broaden their minds, forage for and ferment unappetizing foods and sew twigs and moss into the linings of their clothing. It’s strange, it smells like Walden pond and it keeps them alive long enough to die alone. Last man standing is a lonely station but the only one Virgos are built for.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

You can’t keep a wolf from howling, a boy band from disintegrating, Taylor Swift from shading her exes or a Sagittarius locked into a long term relationship. Roamers, seekers, gamblers, rock n rollers and grass is always greener types, archers are content to move through the world foot loose, fancy free and without company. Likewise, they are content to go towards the proverbial good night free, clear, and utterly alone.

The optimism that distinguishes them in life is also present in their approach to the here after. As Sagittarius Jim Morrison, who died alone in a Parisian bathtub wrote, “Death makes angels of us all and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws.” Fly baby fly.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

Aquarians are the outsiders of the zodiac, perhaps best described by the late, great Hunter S. Thompson as, “A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die.” And yet, die they must. While still on the earthly plane, many water bearers choose to live alone and apart from the crowd. This distance gives them the vantage of observing others with deep compassion and curiosity while maintaining a safe personal distance. I think of the archetype of Aquarius as The Inventor in “Edward Scissorhands.”

Brilliant, and disillusioned with humanity but still bound to it, he lives alone in a remote marble mansion and creates company to avoid the perennial disappointment that comes from loving and trusting people. Likewise, Aquarius folk are content, and even fated, to die alone. Longing for their brethren to be better they breathe their last surrounded by books, imaginary friends, designs for time machines, aborted poems, deconstructed satellites, transcripts from outer space, recipes for vegan cheesecake, broken Christmas lights, egg cartons and other detritus of unrealized genius.

Astrology 101: Your guide to the stars

Astrologer Reda Wigle researches and irreverently reports back on planetary configurations and their effect on each zodiac sign. Her horoscopes integrate history, poetry, pop culture and personal experience. She is also an accomplished writer who has profiled a variety of artists and performers, as well as extensively chronicled her experiences while traveling. Among the many intriguing topics she has tackled are cemetery etiquette, her love for dive bars, Cuban Airbnbs, a “girls guide” to strip clubs and the “weirdest” foods available abroad.

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